Fade Away
by justwakeup
Summary: Songfic. Miroku can feel the wind tunnel growing everyday, but he always puts on a smile. What if someone else notices? Shonenai
1. Fade Away

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Inuyasha, nor the Metallica lyrics I am using. But if I did own Inuyasha, I would only own Sesshomaru and Miroku. The rest would be to troublesome to bother with . 

_Life just seems to fade away,  
dirfting father everyday.  
Getting lost within myself;  
nothing matters, no one else..._

Miroku was quieter then normal today was the first thing anyone noticed. He confined to himself, and walked a little slower then the rest of them .

"Miroku..." Sango asked, "Does your wind tunnel bother you?" Everyone turned and stared accusingly at the monk, who did not like to reveal to them his pain, but he shook his head.

"Its nothing you need to bother yourself with." He said, smiling, and they continued to walk forward. But he admitted to himself...his hand DID hurt...he flexed it, hoping to rid himself of the pain, but it only worsened, and he winced. He looked up quickly, to make sure no one had seen, and he thought he saw Inuyasha look quickly away from him. Had he seen? He wondered to himself? Does he know...? I already know that my death is approaching, its not as far away as I lead them on to think. Everyday I feel as though I am slipping away from myself, that one day, I'm going to open my eyes, and not exist. I'll be nothing, trapped within my own void. He sighed, sadly. I act crazy sometimes, but I know that I will never want to produce an heir. I don't want him to have this curse unwillingly if I should fail. No one should be punished for my failure. And my friends...I know one day in the near future, I am to leave them. I don't want the risk of them being taken away too, not when each of them are so close to their goal. I know I am not as strong as Inuyasha, nor as gifted as Lady Kagome. Neither do I have the will as Lady Sango. I have tried to help as best I could, and I know that I may not be around long enough to fight Naraku. But I know that together, they will. He smiled, because he knew that with or without him, they would defeat Naraku.

"Its getting dark..." Kagome commented, "We should find someplace to sleep." They all nodded, and walked into a secluded forest area. Kagome, Shippo, and Sango were the first to fall asleep. Miroku waited until Inuyasha dropped off, and wandered into the forest on his own. He removed the cloth covering his hand, but was careful to keep the beads on. He heard a rustling in the grass, and quickly whirled around. Inuyasha stood infront of him, his arms crossed.

"Baka monk," He said, "Do you really think I didn't notice?" He asked, and Miroku shrugged.

"I didn't want to down the spirits." He replied softly. Inuyasha sat down next to him. For a minute, they sat in silence.

"Monk, I want you to be stright with me, or I'll rip your arm off myself. How bad has it gotten?" His voice had softened a bit. Miroku sighed. No sense in lying, because Inuyasha had one way or another of sensing it.

"Truthfully. Well..." Miroku faltered, how could he put something like this? "Inuyasha...I..." He just couldn't say it, because if he did, it would also be admitting it to himself, and he didn't want to do that quite yet. He strayed off for a minute.

"Spit it out!" Inuyasha demanded, and Miroku sighed.

"Forget it Inuyasha. I don't want to talk about it, my problems are my own, and mine alone to deal with."

"But you are travling with us. You hardly ever tell anyone when you're in pain, and come to mention it, about the only we know about you is your grandfather was the one who started this when he first started hunting for Naraku." Miroku sat back and sighed.

"No, Inuyasha. I realize that avenging Kikyo is your soul goal. And I know that someday, you and Lady Kagome may be together. But you must realize that killing Naraku is life or death for me. You will not die if he is not killed."

"Thats what you think." Inuyasha muttered, and Miroku stood.

"I think I'll go to bed now." And he walked away, while Inuyasha stared after him.

_I have lost the will to live,  
Simply nothing more to give.  
There is nothing more for me.  
Need the end to set me free._

Miroku lay awake for a while, thinking about what Inuyasha had said. It was a bit selfish, he knew, to say he was the only one who would die. He knew that Inuyasha would die on the inside from guilt. But wounds can mend. Death cannot. He knew that Naraku would get exactly what he wanted. A weak soul, to tortured with guilt to bear the curse unwillingly upon another life. His father, and his father before that hadn't been weak. Though his father had apologized before he died, telling Miroku as a boy he was sorry. But Miroku had understood. He knew his father had only wanted him to live. They were all lucky, luckier then they realized. Lady Sango was trying to win her brother back, she had someone. Lady Kagome really didn't have any tie in this, other then being reincarnated and helping Inuyasha with his revenge, and she too had family in her own time. Inuyasha? He had a brother, and weither either of them chose to realize it, both of them watched out for each other. Because both refused to kill each other in their own way, of course. He laughed to himself as he recalled their antics, some days were just better then others. He winced, again, because a sharp pain raced up his hand. He knew he really didn't have much longer, because sometimes, even with the prayer beads on his hand, he could hear a faint whistling, and a swirling sound. Uzumaki, he thought faintly to himself, before falling into an unwanted sleep


	2. A semisolution

Inuyasha waited until he knew Miroku was sleeping very deeply, before creeping back into camp. He knew that Miroku had been lying, and he knew that he needed to find out about his hell-hole. He knew only one other person who had the knowlage, and that was the damn monk back at the temple who had been possesed and tried to kill Miroku in the first place. He didn't really want to pry into Miroku's life, but Miroku hadn't given him much choice. Before he left, he stared at the monk, who slept soundly as ever. His amatyhist eyes were taken by sleep, and Inuyasha brushed a few bangs out of his face. He really was beautiful...but Inuyasha shook his head, and jumped off into the night. He knew he had aways to travel, but he had left a note on Kagome's weird paper...stationary was it? He told them he'd be back in a few hours past sunrise. He had little trouble finding the place, as he was so famillar with Miroku's scent, his childhood home was easy to find. He walked into the temple, to find the monk drunk and on the floor. 

"Yo Mushin!" He said, kicking the sake bottle away from him, "Get up. Its an emergency."

"Whos there?" He asked, peering up at Inuyasha, "Oh, Inuyasha. Hopefully you've killed Naraku by now?"

"Miroku's past decendents havn't killed him, and they've had well over sixty years to. Give me a break." Inuyasha said.

"Ah, I see. So you've come back bearing bad news of Miroku." Mushin said, gravely, "Is he still alive?"

"Yeah. But I think its getting worse. I think his hand pains him, and he seems to be...well...fading away."

_Life just seems to fade away..._

Mushin nodded.  
"Thats exactly how his father was." He said, stairing off into the distance, "Didn't tell anyone he was in pain...no one really knew how he was feeling. He always hid the pain he was feeling, because he didn't want anyone around him to suffer.

I didn't want to down the spirits." He could remember Miroku saying that. So Miroku obviously took after his father. "So...what exactly happened?"

"As I remember it, I was taking care of Miroku, we both heard the wind, and I knew what had happened. Miroku did to, for he rushed out to his father, but I held him back. I can still remember him crying..." Mushin sighed, "I s'pose I shall be the one who buries him too. His father...him..." Inuyasha growled.

"Don't talk like that, monk. I didn't say he was dead. I just don't know how far along he is. For all you know, we could kill Naraku tomorrow, and he'll come home safe and sound."

"Even if that were the case, I doubt he would come back."

"What makes you say that?" Inuyasha asked, and Mushin pointed to a crater in the ground which held a shrine over it.

"Thats where Miroku's father was...'laid'. He didn't have a body. This place here," He motioned to their surroundings, "It holds to many painful memories for him. When he came back when he needed his hand fixed because of the mantis, I saw the pain in his eyes as he recalled his fathers last minutes. He never cried about it again. Because he's holding it all inside." He said, sadly. Inuyasha didn't answer, for he didn't exactly know what to say. He wasn't good at this kind of conversation. But he did realize that Miroku was hurting inside for more then one reason.

"So is there anything you can do to postpone this...?" Inuyasha asked, hopfully, and Mushin shook his head.

"You cannot fight the inevitable. What will happen, will happen. Weither you want it to or not."

"Yeah, well to bad I'm not the only one who doesn't want it to happen, eh? You forget, Miroku has friends. He will not be missed by me and you."

"Yes, well..." Mushin said, "It may've been better had Miroku not met anybody. Less pain."

"No, Miroku has a spirit to live, and I don't care what you think about it, meeting us strengthened that spirit." Inuyasha said, glaring.

"Meeting YOU, ya mean?" Mushin asked, chuckling a bit, "It was mostly you, Inuyasha. I think your determination, and you stuborness helped rekindle that flame." Inuyasha didn't know how to reply to that either, so he kept quiet though secretly, he was pleased.. Inuyasha looked out towards the rising sun.

"I have to go." He said, and Mushin held up one finger.

"Take this and give it to Miroku." He said, holding out a glass vial, with an amver liquid in it. Inuyasha eyed it curiously.

"What it is?" He questioned.

"Just some medicine for the pain. Tell him there'll be side effects. Most likely, he'll be numb and disorianted for a while after he takes it."

"Yeah right. You think he's really going to take it then?"

"Well, if he wants to be in pain, let him." Mushin said, and Inuyasha took the vial from him and put it in his kimono. Then he jumped off into the forest, leaving the old monk behind. Meanwhile, back at the camp, Sango, Kagome, Shippo, and Miroku waited for Inuyasha's return.

"Where do you think he went that he couldn't take us with him?" Sango asked, and Kagome fumed.

"I hope it wasn't to see Kikyo...I know he loves her, but..." She trailed off. Sango put her arm around Kagome and laughed.

"I doubt it. He probably just wanted to be by himself for a while. It isn't unusual, you know." She reassured.

"He said he'd be back soon anyway." Miroku said. I hope I didn't make him angry last night, he thought to himself. Just then, Inuyasha walked into the clearing.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome exclaimed, "You're back! Where were you?"

"Its my business. I don't have to tell you all everything, do I?"

"I s'pose not. But you don't have to snap at her. She was just worried." Sango said, and Inuyasha sighed. They walked to a clears where Kagome could hand breakfast from her backpack. She held the food and drinks to Inuyasha, who in turn, handed them out to everyone. Before he gave Miroku his drink, he put a few drops of the medicine in it, and prayed that he didn't taste it. He didn't. But it became appearent after a while when his eyes got a glazed over look, and it was obvious we wasn't exactly comprehending what anyone was saying.

"Is he okay?" Kagome asked Inuyasha.

"Yeah...he's just...um, tired." Inuyasha said, smiling to himself. He knew he was pretty much in for it when that stuff stopped working. Miroku would know who had done it. But it was still funny all the same, especially when Miroku fell asleep standing against a tree. Sango and Kagome tried to wake him, but to no avail. Inuyasha finally decided to carry him on his back, and Kagome would ride Kirara instead. Sango had offered to ride with Miroku, but Inuyasha said no. As they walked, Miroku finally began to stir, and he opened his eyes.

"Wha-what happened?" He asked, in a raspy voice.

"You've kinda been out for an hour. How do you feel?" He asked, and Miroku put a hand to his head.

"Really dizzy. Waaiittt...what did you do to me?" He demanded. Amber-coloured eyes stared into his innocently.

"Nothing. Just visited that temple and got medicine."

"From Mushin? Most likely it was a drug of some kind he used for a joke." He said, half-heartedly. Inuyasha laughed.

"I doubt it. Are you still in pain?"

"Actually, I'm not. Just kinda numb at this point. I guess he did good...bet he was drunk when you got there though."

"He was." Inuyasha said, thinking. Mushin said Miroku's father never told anyone of his appending doom. Would Miroku do the same? Would he just leave one day to die without telling anyone? And would they all live on the false hope he was alive until they found some sign that he wasn't?  
"Whats wrong, Inuyasha?" Miroku asked, seeing his worried expression.

"Monk..." He said, slowly, "If...if for some reason we don't get to Narak in time...I want you to SWEAR...that you'll tell us. If something happens." Inuyasha said. Miroku looked puzzled for a minute, and then he realized that Inuyasha didn't want him going to die by himself.

"I swear. But you have to promise me if I tell you, you wont follow me."

"I'll think about it." Inuyasha said. He really didn't want him going off on his own, but if worse came to worse, he'd follow Miroku himself. Miroku, who was still dizzy at the time, started to accidently fall off, and Inuyasha caught him. He flushed a little as their hands touched nonchalantly. He saw Miroku redden a litttle to, and he chuckled to himself. Miroku turned his head a little, still blushing, and took Inuyasha's hand. Inuyasha smiled. He knew they'd beat Naraku, and Miroku would still be alive. He knew that maybe one day, he and Miroku might be able to be together. But he didn't need to say anything right now. He just squeezed Miroku's hand.


End file.
